


Black Dress, Blue Dress

by rosemarygreen



Category: Depeche Mode
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Explicit Language, F/M, Gen, Homophobic Language, Humor, Irreverent but Loving, M/M, Multi, Out of Character, Sexual Humor, the 80s
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 05:13:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10550648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosemarygreen/pseuds/rosemarygreen
Summary: Leather and lace. Skirts and lip gloss. The androgynous ambiguity. The fashion struggles of the weird boys from the top synth pop band in the mid-80s.





	

*****

Martin: Now, boys, have you seen my new hat? I was going to wear it on "Top of the Pops" today.

Dave: What hat?

Andy: What hat?

Martin: Come on, I know it's your doing. Where have you put it?

Both: We haven't even touched it, Mart. It's too ugly.

Martin: Ugly? It cost me a fortune.

Dave: You're a fool, Mart. You could've bought an extra pair of leather pants instead.

Mart: We've got chestfuls of leather pants here.

Dave: Hey, but they're all mine.

Martin: All right then, I'll just go onstage in my underwear.

Dave&Andy: ( _sigh)_ Here we go again...

Martin: I may even want to strip.

Dave&Andy: No, you won't.

Martin: I will, unless you tell me where my hat is.

Andy: Martin, honey, you know what? You've just bleached your hair again, right? You've had it cut so beautifully, haven't you?

Martin: ( _blushes_ ) Yeah, two days ago.

Andy: Nobody has seen your gorgeous new haircut yet. Why not let fans on "Top of the Pops" admire it? It's much better than a hat, believe me.

Martin: Oh... maybe you're right.

 

*****

 

Dave: Martin, you’re not going onstage dressed up like this, are you?

Martin: I am.

Dave: But you can’t fucking wear it!

Martin: Why not?

Dave: ‘Cause, um, what’s wrong with your make-up? Where’s your lip gloss? And earrings? And what about the shoes, why aren’t they high heels? You should go round Kensington Market and get yourself a pair of high heels. _Now._

Martin: It’s half an hour before the show, Dave. I won’t have time to even get there.

Dave: But you have to do something about it! Where are your handcuffs, by the way? Have you got an extra pair?

Martin: What do you need them for?

Dave: I’ll lock them to my belt, like you do. You know, to match.

Martin: I think I won’t wear them today. I won’t wear this outfit at all. I’ve changed my mind.

Dave: Why, Mart? You look so good in this leather skirt.

Martin: No, I don’t feel like putting it on tonight.

Dave: What are you wearing tonight, then?

Martin: Nothing.

 

*****

 

Dave: What are we giving Mart for Christmas?

Alan: How about a dress? With that… lacing on the back?

Andy: Why?

Alan: It’ll take him longer to strip down when we’re out in a club partying.

Andy: And we’ll have enough time to escape while he messes with it…

Dave: Yeah, a good idea.

 

*****

 

Basildon Beerboy: Hey, mate, aren't you, like, the guy who sings in this band... deep... Deep Ash, right?

Dave: Yeah, Depeche. Depeche Mode.

Basildon Beerboy: Great! You tell your girl she's kinda cute, all right?

Dave: What girl?

Basildon Beerboy: The blonde one who plays keyboards with you. God, is she sexy.

Dave: A-ah, that... hmm... actually, it's a man.

Basildon Beerboy: A _what_?

Dave: A man. Martin's his name.

Basildon Beerboy: Here... are you one of these... freaks? Man, you don't look the part.

Dave: ( _angry_ ) Listen, jerk, don't you question my sexuality. I'm as straight as a die. And him also.

Basildon Beerboy: You're telling me. You tell you buddy it's fucking wrong, wearing dresses... if he's a man... which I doubt, ha ha ha... not under them skirts.

Dave: ( _struggling to keep cool_ ) You know what... Sod off.

Basildon Beerboy: Up yours, poofter.

 

*****

 

Martin: Here, guys, is my new girlfriend.

Andy: That’s one pretty girl. What is she doing?

Martin: Designing underwear.

Dave: Ooh, so you’re gonna date her just to indulge your kinky clothes fetish?

Martin: No, to live up to our name.

Dave: Mart, I’ve been doing it before we even started.

Martin: So, you’re saying I should date _you_?

 

*****

 

Anton Corbijn: Now, boys, if I am to photograph you, it’ll be on my terms. You don’t know anything about style, I assure you.

Group: Oh really?

Corbijn: So you listen to me and do what I tell you. You, Martin, is the worst. Take all your clothes and throw them away. Give them to Salvation Army or something.

Dave: Handcuffs and leather straps to Salvation Army, ha ha ha! Imagine children wearing them. Parents will say we’re trying to corrupt them! Get a new target audience!

Martin: But I love all these things. And they cost me money. And I don’t want to get rid of them.

Corbijn: You’ve got leather pants? You can keep them. And the whore stuff you’ve got to dispose of.

Dave: What are we going to wear, then?

Corbijn: Leather. Lots of leather. And lots of skin.

Dave: Whoa, but I’m not an exhibitionist, Mart is.

Martin: Aren’t you? Remember Record Mirror made us pose with a stripper pole? You enjoyed it, didn’t you?

Dave: I didn’t!

Martin: Liar.

Corbijn: Enough of your bickering! Now you, Martin, throw away all these skirts and dresses of yours. Now you, Dave, get yourself some leather, a lot of black leather jackets and leather pants. Now you two… just follow the drift. I want more leather. The more the better. I’m gonna make real men out of you wimps.

Group: Now, who’s a fetishist here?

 

*****

 

Dave: Move closer, Mart, we’re gonna get on the cover of a gay mag.

Martin: Move over, Dave, everyone knows I’m the diva in this band.

Andy: Calm down, guys, it’s just a peroxide commercial photoshoot.

 

*****

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a big, nostalgic fan of Depeche Mode's mid-80s' image. Some of the stories mentioned in the fic had roots in real life - I'll refer you to Dave Gahan's interview "Cash for Questions", Q, June 2003, by Paul Stokes for that.


End file.
